As of now..

If you’re a daughter or a son, then please read along.

I won’t boast myself as a good, obedient son of my parents. Why I say this is because I have not lived my life as they wanted. I have spoken back to them. I have tried to make them see my point of view even though my view was hazy & blurred. I have disappointed them as a whole.

I have scored bad reputation points in the main phases of life. But, I have made sure that I score good reputation points in normal/ordinary scenarios.

I would proudly say that my parents have imparted good knowledge & behavior into me. Yes, I am proud of that! But I haven’t learned ALL of those from them. I have learned some of those from books, from my friends, and from the parents of my friends.

I love to learn. I loveΒ to see life in every tiny situation. My mother(Mumma) & I have a custom of going to a temple walking once in a while. That temple is 7 km away from our home. We walk to the temple & chant God’s name during the walk. FYI, I loved the movie ‘The Walk‘ & it helped me make vlogs for AtoZ challenge. Check them on my new YouTube channel, Darshith Badiyani(I know I gotta name it something relatable. but for now, this is all I got).

Some background knowledge would be appreciated by all. So, about Mumma, she is a typical Indian lady. She’s obedient to her husband and makes sure her kids are independent & well fed & well learned. She has taught numerous lessons to 3 of us(my sisters & me).

Mumma was a victim of domestic violence. To know more, read Fist fight. I hope it has stopped but then anger is something, which can invade our happy space within a jiffy.

Whenever I see my mother, I remember a quote, ‘This world has not turned bad because of the rising of the bad people but because of the silence of the good people.’

I always try to make Mumma realize this that she has to speak up. She remains silent in scenarios where she should speak, where she should shout, where she should wake everybody up with her shrieks. Yet she chooses to remain silent. She still does the same. I feel bad. I feel vulnerable. But, then I think of how she feels & I feel numb.

So, back to the present. Some weather updates, okay? There is a high alert in Orissa of a cyclone. So the weather remains unpredictable and classy. We were on the way to the temple, walking.

The uncertain weather showed it’s true face(winds blowing, trees doing the to-&-fro danceΒ violently) & Mumma holds my arm. I was shocked. More shocked by the fact that Mumma was holding my arm with both her hands. I could sense her fear. I could feel her tremble. Truly speaking, I haven’t held the arm/hand of any girl publicly, even though I had a girlfriend once. So, this new public attachment was something new & alien to me.

I held Mumma’s hands. We walked ahead chanting God’s name. I felt confident to make her feel calm. I was scared, yes, but I had to act as if I was in control so that she can feel okay and seeing her feel okay, I can feel okay too. So, I knew this is a trick. A game played by nature to make me aware of how fearful my Mumma’s heart is. She’s yet vulnerable. But then we(all 3 of us) have to support her.

That walk was crucial to me. I learned things. I was chanting but my mind was wandering to the range of emotions we feel. Some emotions make a permanent place within us. We feel it & it feels us too. It becomes a parasite. It feeds on us. It becomes powerful each time the host feels it.

against-the-wind

I knew all this but that walk made me feel it. I can’t describe how confusing & wonderful thing life is. It all depends on us how and what we make of it.

Right now, my life is all chaos but then I am ready to face anything & everything that comes along. I may fail, but I would have tried. I would have given my best.

My opinions & thoughts might change/evolve with the passage of time but this post is what I feel & know as of now.

Smiles,
Darshith

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25 thoughts on “As of now..

  1. This one was enthralling. How you have portrayed yourself here is so humanely honest, Darshith, that’s what makes it ethical. Mistakes are inevitable but as long as we have faith in God, He will make a wonderful human being out of all of us. The walks to the temple with your Mumma and the epiphany you felt was fantastic πŸ™‚ She will always feel proud of you πŸ™‚

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  2. The beauty of being a thinker and a true novelist is you have two dimensions to yourself.
    One is in the act and the other is floating around the act observing, sensing, measuring and analyzing things.

    You are doing great ! Take care fella.
    I thought you were going to take a break in May, but instead it turned out I had to go off !
    This time it is even more insightful, back from the 320 BC knowledge.
    We will have lot of talks.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Well I keep going off as you know. To do things that matter and sometimes it is because I am contemplating. I was reading this time but not posting or commenting. I have new learnings will share in my posts comments and discussions

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  3. Frankly, I am an impatient reader. I love to read but mostly shorties. Unless very powerful, I love to skip pages of novels. This was such a rare read that I wanted to read on and on and felt disappointed when I read those closing lines. It felt as if I could go on reading this piece. There is something genuinely, honest about you that makes your blogs and vlogs so passionate, so intense, so touching. I really hope you continue to inspire people for as long as you live because brutal honesty is such a rare virtue and you are blessed with one. I am proud and happy that I know you, read you and be inspired by you.

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    • Thank you, SD, for reading it and being honest and sharing your valuable thoughts. I love the sound of ‘brutal honesty’ πŸ˜€ Yeah, we all try to do our best in this world. I also love reading/writing short stuff but then once in a while we gotta break the trend πŸ˜› Thanks you & take care πŸ™‚

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  4. Darshith I love the way you expressed your insight and heartfelt emotions about your Mumma. You are such an amazing son and I hope your Mumma can read this because she will definitely be so proud of you, I’m sure she already is. Even though as of now you are on a journey of uncertainty, that is also exciting and things will align every step of the way because you’re strong. No experience is ever wasted, be happy first and success will follow πŸ™‚ You’re doing great, keep writing and keep smiling πŸ™‚

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  5. Beautifully written and conveyed Darshith….you’ve stood strong and honest…sooo cheers to you! And everything will fall into place….just work for it….best wishes πŸ‘ :))

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Happiness is the ultimate goal of life, whatever you do make sure makes you happy from within your heart. You will come across different situations and different people during your journey, may every experience help you becoming a better person
    P.S: You are a rockstar πŸ™‚

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