Gradually less confused..

Shall I go watch a movie?

Or shall I go to a park?

Or better some friend’s place

Or spend time in solitude

Or… forget it

Who cares?

I am all confused

I am always confused

Why is it so??

If I am confused

What to do with one extra

Free hour I got today

How can I make such big decisions like

Whom to marry?

What to do next?

What I want to become after 10 years?

Or say 30 years?

Wow, how will I decide all this?

But I know

All those will happen

In some miraculous way

If I invest these little amount

Of extra time in a productive way

I will be something

Definitely less confused

Than I am today

Which is my most priority aim

To become less confused

With each passing day

Try to make sense of things happening

Try to understand the things happening

Try.. Just try

Failure or success is important

But not compulsory

But trying is compulsory

Trying to know myself better

By knowing myself

I will know you better

Knowing you better

I will know myself better

And by that I will be less confused

Helping each other

Helping one another

Become less confused

confused_lion_king

Counter clockwise moment..

I am trying to sleep staring at the ceiling of my room

Concentrating on the blades of the fan

How they are moving counter clockwise

And their peculiar movement brought back

All the hidden and long forgotten memories

It is as if I am looking on a projector

The blades of the fan not being any hindrance

I can see us talking on the couch

Laughing and teasing at the beginning

Being friends and exchanging numbers

Then talking to each other late nights

Trying to make the other smile when gloomy

Trying to make the other special

All those times of intermingled fingers

Of closeness and of intimate moments

All right there in front with the best smile

On her face and the feeling of completeness

On mine and the air filled with love and care

There were moments of tangos and dancing

And laughs and me on my knees

And she covering her face with her palm

There were moments of quarrels also

With her facing the other side

And me holding dairy milk but with vain

There were times of support also

When my Grandpa expired and she was there for me

Holding me right and trying her best to make me feel better

There were times of anger with no one letting go of ego

And not talking for weeks but just 1 sorry

1 smile was enough to make things straight

There were hugs and touches and locked lips and trust

It was US there and then a drop of tear

Rolled down from the corner of my right eye

It was like reality punched me at my gut

And all I could do was turn my side

Rub my face on the pillow

Hoping that she is happy and not going through the same phase

And not looking at the fan helped me

Avoid the past and gradually I was

Inside the blanket of sleep!!

That Go-to place..

Game of tiptoeing..

When I was a kid,

I used to tip toe go to kitchen,

During the noon time,

When my mother was asleep,

So that I can have some cream biscuits,

Without her knowledge.

But in the evening,

She calls me and takes my class,

For eating those biscuits on a regular basis.

She didn’t changed the place of those biscuits,

Because she loved my tip-toeing and having those biscuits,

And thinking that I can fool my mother,

Who know me more than I know myself.


 

Now, the table has turned.

I loved her beauty, her smile, her truthfulness,

And this time, my mother tip-toed,

And went to meet her and said,

To leave me and go far away from me,

Because my father don’t like her,

And my girl left me, without telling me,

And I thought that it was fate and we weren’t meant to be a together,

But then when I came to know what had really happened,

I cursed my mother, my girl, everyone, even God,

Because then I hated this game of tip-toe,

This game of pretendness.

This game of keeping cards close to your chest,

This game of not putting everything on the table,

This game of thinking that others are fool,

And you are the only smart guy.

I hate this sham!!

Those days of Exams!!

Those days of academic life,

Those ringing of bells,

Those “START WRITING” & “PUT YOUR PENS DOWN”,

Those days of collecting the syllabus,

Those all night preparations,

Even though we didn’t know the answer then,

Those days of exams were good,

Because now,

We don’t know the center of examination,

Or the subject/chapters of exams,

Or even the invigilator,

Or even the passing marks,

Or even the language of question paper.

But exams are there,

More tougher and can’t-afford-to-fail exams,

Because these exams will determine the course of our life,

These exams decides who stays in our life and who says good-bye,

These exams gives us the taste of all the feelings in this world,

These exams comes unknocked and leaves us unspeakable,

These exams will either MAKE or BREAK us,

These exams will DEFINE us,

These exams are US.

but, there’s always a BUT!!

Things going on smoothly,

you feeling uplifted,

thinking that there is STILL a hint of goodness,

in between these failures, betrayals, double crossings..

And then I let my guard off,

yes, at that exact moment, I got screwed.

Life is a bitch.

It doesn’t distinguish between rich, poor, male, female, child, honest, cripple, ANYONE,

It comes and destroys the perfect present,

destroys the ideal future,

destroys the mental peace,

sucks the confidence out of you,

steals that smile away from your face,

laughs at us, as if it’s invincible.

And yes, at that moment, it is INVINCIBLE.

but, there’s always a BUT,

and this but comes to our rescue,

gives us strength to rise,

gives us hope to walk,

gives us wings to fly,

gives us power to conquer,

not only this world but also our own self,

Our prime self.

We all get screwed but this BUT helps us do wonders and miracles,

Because one failure is not worth the end,

As there is no end to anything.

So wrong then..

He wanted not to hear it,

he knew he had failed,

he wanted it to get rubbed off of his name,

he wanted never to be linked to it,

he wanted people to forget it,

how he never tried and failed,

he wanted no part of the world,

in which a single soul knows about his failure,

he wanted to start things afresh,

he wanted to try once more,

he wanted to succeed,

he wanted to be happy,

he wanted others to be happy due to him,

he wanted others to smile looking at him and not frown,

he wanted others to help him and not walk away,

he wanted all this because no one wanted him.

He was selfish, cruel, unkind, careless, strict, egoist, unmindful in his youth,

he thought what he did was nothing but just RIGHT & PERFECT,

and, now when he looks back,

deep within he knows, he had been nothing but all WRONG,

and for that his whole life is a failure and now he is old,

no one cares for him just like he didn’t in old times,

now he is alone, diseased, with no one at his bedside,

waiting to leave this world and make it a better place for others.