The fear of walking in the dark

Yeah, it is dark everywhere
Pitch black
Not another speck
Not a sound
All silent
I can hear my own breath
The inhaling
A pause
The exhaling
This giving me chills
Giving me goosebumps
But still
Here I am
Walking in the dark
Fighting the fear of it
Because that’s how I will be strong
This walk
Will either make me or break me
But I need a change
I need to overcome my fear
And this is how I deal with it
Avoiding it is not my cup of tea
Going headstrong is
And that is what I am doing
Feeling that fear
Claiming it as my own
Taming it
And I am sure
I will see that light
That hope
Which will make me victorious
Which will give me satisfaction
Which will give me strength for
All the next battles
Coming my way
Now, I know the feeling
It is my own
And now I can walk fearlessly in the dark

P.S.: Hope we all can see the hope at the end of our problems. Good day. How are you, people? Today’s song pick is Everytime we touch by Cascada. Next video named FREQUENCIES – Part 1 is out. Hope you can connect to it. Welcome to my YouTube channel, Darshith Badiyani.

As of now..

If you’re a daughter or a son, then please read along.

I won’t boast myself as a good, obedient son of my parents. Why I say this is because I have not lived my life as they wanted. I have spoken back to them. I have tried to make them see my point of view even though my view was hazy & blurred. I have disappointed them as a whole.

I have scored bad reputation points in the main phases of life. But, I have made sure that I score good reputation points in normal/ordinary scenarios.

I would proudly say that my parents have imparted good knowledge & behavior into me. Yes, I am proud of that! But I haven’t learned ALL of those from them. I have learned some of those from books, from my friends, and from the parents of my friends.

I love to learn. I love to see life in every tiny situation. My mother(Mumma) & I have a custom of going to a temple walking once in a while. That temple is 7 km away from our home. We walk to the temple & chant God’s name during the walk. FYI, I loved the movie ‘The Walk‘ & it helped me make vlogs for AtoZ challenge. Check them on my new YouTube channel, Darshith Badiyani(I know I gotta name it something relatable. but for now, this is all I got).

Some background knowledge would be appreciated by all. So, about Mumma, she is a typical Indian lady. She’s obedient to her husband and makes sure her kids are independent & well fed & well learned. She has taught numerous lessons to 3 of us(my sisters & me).

Mumma was a victim of domestic violence. To know more, read Fist fight. I hope it has stopped but then anger is something, which can invade our happy space within a jiffy.

Whenever I see my mother, I remember a quote, ‘This world has not turned bad because of the rising of the bad people but because of the silence of the good people.’

I always try to make Mumma realize this that she has to speak up. She remains silent in scenarios where she should speak, where she should shout, where she should wake everybody up with her shrieks. Yet she chooses to remain silent. She still does the same. I feel bad. I feel vulnerable. But, then I think of how she feels & I feel numb.

So, back to the present. Some weather updates, okay? There is a high alert in Orissa of a cyclone. So the weather remains unpredictable and classy. We were on the way to the temple, walking.

The uncertain weather showed it’s true face(winds blowing, trees doing the to-&-fro dance violently) & Mumma holds my arm. I was shocked. More shocked by the fact that Mumma was holding my arm with both her hands. I could sense her fear. I could feel her tremble. Truly speaking, I haven’t held the arm/hand of any girl publicly, even though I had a girlfriend once. So, this new public attachment was something new & alien to me.

I held Mumma’s hands. We walked ahead chanting God’s name. I felt confident to make her feel calm. I was scared, yes, but I had to act as if I was in control so that she can feel okay and seeing her feel okay, I can feel okay too. So, I knew this is a trick. A game played by nature to make me aware of how fearful my Mumma’s heart is. She’s yet vulnerable. But then we(all 3 of us) have to support her.

That walk was crucial to me. I learned things. I was chanting but my mind was wandering to the range of emotions we feel. Some emotions make a permanent place within us. We feel it & it feels us too. It becomes a parasite. It feeds on us. It becomes powerful each time the host feels it.

against-the-wind

I knew all this but that walk made me feel it. I can’t describe how confusing & wonderful thing life is. It all depends on us how and what we make of it.

Right now, my life is all chaos but then I am ready to face anything & everything that comes along. I may fail, but I would have tried. I would have given my best.

My opinions & thoughts might change/evolve with the passage of time but this post is what I feel & know as of now.

Smiles,
Darshith

Live alone together

Make me aware
That my skin is beautiful
Which covers my soul
You’re my soulmate
So love me
I know
But I want to feel
How it feels
To be loved
On the skin
I want to love
Your skin
Want to embrace
Closeness
And minimal distance
Between us
Don’t be afraid
I won’t force myself
But will respect
Your unsaid words
And seek your permission
Before moving ahead
I know you want it
I know I want it
But this shyness
And this fear
Is what is the barrier
Let’s forget those
For a while
See how wonderfully
We fit together
Without further thinking
Let’s just forget
The world and
Live alone together

image

P.S.: Let’s be romantic and spread love. Today’s pick is Rooftop by Zara Larsson 🙂 Goodnight folks ❤

You define your own FEAR..

Your dream–

You think of doing 1

In the manner of 2

To get a result of 3

For which you’ll have a life of 4


The reality–

What happens is 3

In the manner of 1

To get a result of 4

And you become 2


After regular upsetting realities

all you can do is leave it all up to Fate

Leave it all in a heartbeat

Don’t FEAR.. Or atleast let this FEAR define you..

Instead YOU define FEAR for yourself..

Is it Forget Everything And Run..

Or.. Face Everything And Rise..

Choice is yours!!

Wish implementation was easy!!

Someone has rightly said that “The world sees our presentations but don’t care about our intentions but God sees our intentions and don’t believe in presentations.”

What do we educate ourselves for?
What’s the next step after education?

Let me stop myself now, or else I will write such a long list of questions, which is not only haunting our minds on a regular basis but also have been prevailing since so many centuries.

Let’s go one by one for TRYING to find some solution or a round about way for some of the questions.

Learning is all important for the children. I myself have been in debt of Education which I have received in my life and its one of the prime reasons for the happiness I have in my life.

I love reading, learning, educating myself, gaining knowledge.. But when it comes to implementation of the learning.. ummmm.. I think.. and think.. and later!!

May be I am afraid of failure.. or afraid of trying atleast.. or being judged by the people.. I don’t want to implement and be given scores on my learning..
But, is there any way out of it?

There is always one way out of every problem.. Its to find a solution, and it can only happen when you are eager to face the problem head-on and not just try to sneak out from the deadly sight of the problem, because it’s not gonna help you any.
The sooner you face the problem, the easier for you.. The more late you do, the more the fear feeds on your guts and grow and the more dwindling you find yourself of confidence.

Implementation is not all rocket science, so chill, its easy(ultimately)!!
At first, it needs your attention, then your interest, then some hard work,,, here, you start getting acquainted and then Voila, you’re the Implementer!!(if Beginner’s Luck favors you, then you’re the BEST IMPLEMENTER!! 😀 )

Its all easier said than done. But, I am myself going through this and trying to implement my learning into something good and presentable which will not only be appreciated by others but also be my own work of evolution.

That’s how we evolve from an amateur to a pro and beyond that. It takes time but we all evolve. Some steeply, some gradually and some eventually.
So, steady yourself, take a deep breathe and HEAD-ON!!

Keep evolving,
Darshith.

P.S.: Being in the learning phase for as long as possible is great, but once you start implementing, you will realize that you can also learn while implementing.