As of now..

If you’re a daughter or a son, then please read along.

I won’t boast myself as a good, obedient son of my parents. Why I say this is because I have not lived my life as they wanted. I have spoken back to them. I have tried to make them see my point of view even though my view was hazy & blurred. I have disappointed them as a whole.

I have scored bad reputation points in the main phases of life. But, I have made sure that I score good reputation points in normal/ordinary scenarios.

I would proudly say that my parents have imparted good knowledge & behavior into me. Yes, I am proud of that! But I haven’t learned ALL of those from them. I have learned some of those from books, from my friends, and from the parents of my friends.

I love to learn. I love to see life in every tiny situation. My mother(Mumma) & I have a custom of going to a temple walking once in a while. That temple is 7 km away from our home. We walk to the temple & chant God’s name during the walk. FYI, I loved the movie ‘The Walk‘ & it helped me make vlogs for AtoZ challenge. Check them on my new YouTube channel, Darshith Badiyani(I know I gotta name it something relatable. but for now, this is all I got).

Some background knowledge would be appreciated by all. So, about Mumma, she is a typical Indian lady. She’s obedient to her husband and makes sure her kids are independent & well fed & well learned. She has taught numerous lessons to 3 of us(my sisters & me).

Mumma was a victim of domestic violence. To know more, read Fist fight. I hope it has stopped but then anger is something, which can invade our happy space within a jiffy.

Whenever I see my mother, I remember a quote, ‘This world has not turned bad because of the rising of the bad people but because of the silence of the good people.’

I always try to make Mumma realize this that she has to speak up. She remains silent in scenarios where she should speak, where she should shout, where she should wake everybody up with her shrieks. Yet she chooses to remain silent. She still does the same. I feel bad. I feel vulnerable. But, then I think of how she feels & I feel numb.

So, back to the present. Some weather updates, okay? There is a high alert in Orissa of a cyclone. So the weather remains unpredictable and classy. We were on the way to the temple, walking.

The uncertain weather showed it’s true face(winds blowing, trees doing the to-&-fro dance violently) & Mumma holds my arm. I was shocked. More shocked by the fact that Mumma was holding my arm with both her hands. I could sense her fear. I could feel her tremble. Truly speaking, I haven’t held the arm/hand of any girl publicly, even though I had a girlfriend once. So, this new public attachment was something new & alien to me.

I held Mumma’s hands. We walked ahead chanting God’s name. I felt confident to make her feel calm. I was scared, yes, but I had to act as if I was in control so that she can feel okay and seeing her feel okay, I can feel okay too. So, I knew this is a trick. A game played by nature to make me aware of how fearful my Mumma’s heart is. She’s yet vulnerable. But then we(all 3 of us) have to support her.

That walk was crucial to me. I learned things. I was chanting but my mind was wandering to the range of emotions we feel. Some emotions make a permanent place within us. We feel it & it feels us too. It becomes a parasite. It feeds on us. It becomes powerful each time the host feels it.

I knew all this but that walk made me feel it. I can’t describe how confusing & wonderful thing life is. It all depends on us how and what we make of it.

Right now, my life is all chaos but then I am ready to face anything & everything that comes along. I may fail, but I would have tried. I would have given my best.

My opinions & thoughts might change/evolve with the passage of time but this post is what I feel & know as of now.

Smiles,
Darshith

Fist fight

As a youth, you have to be a part of a fist fight to show your manliness. Unfortunately, I haven’t been in any. Oh no! I remember now, I was also in a fist fight and it was started by him.

I didn’t want to ever add “BEEN IN A FIST FIGHT” to my life’s resume but we seldom get what we want. The worst part of being in a fist fight is either your face or your hands(sometimes both) are bruised. With me, it was none.

So the good news is, I smacked him. My right hand landed on his left chin, which burst open his lip and he was stunned. He didn’t expect this and so did I. Both were surprised, he fumbled and fell on the sofa and looked at me with anger in his eyes. I was holding his right hand with my left one. We made eye contact and the amount of hatred he had for me was waiting to be erupted as a volcano.

Nothing was audible to me. I was angry and it was only shown in my reflex punch & raging eyes. Other than that, I was calm. Then all of a sudden, voices started getting audible and started getting louder with rising decibel. Some cries, some begging. All vague.

I looked around and saw my mother pulling my shirt and begging me to stop. I couldn’t make sense of it all. I was hypnotised by emotions.  Then the anger in my eyes descended and the anger in my father’s eyes too. He came to the realization that hitting his spouse do not make him any STRONGER and hence the reflex punch and that is how it feels to be beaten and that too by his own blood. I am sure he must have wished IF HIS SPERM DIDN’T FUSE MY MOM’S OVARY THAT NIGHT. But, the damage’s done & we all have to face the things we are entitled to. His time of realization had just started and he was within his boundaries since that fight.

Now, as a son, I don’t want this fight to be in my resume or to be proud of. But that’s life. We get what we are entitled to and not what we imagine.

P.S.: Today’s pick is Army of Ellie Goulding 🙂