Fist fight

As a youth, you have to be a part of a fist fight to show your manliness. Unfortunately, I haven’t been in any. Oh no! I remember now, I was also in a fist fight and it was started by him.

I didn’t want to ever add “BEEN IN A FIST FIGHT” to my life’s resume but we seldom get what we want. The worst part of being in a fist fight is either your face or your hands(sometimes both) are bruised. With me, it was none.

So the good news is, I smacked him. My right hand landed on his left chin, which burst open his lip and he was stunned. He didn’t expect this and so did I. Both were surprised, he fumbled and fell on the sofa and looked at me with anger in his eyes. I was holding his right hand with my left one. We made eye contact and the amount of hatred he had for me was waiting to be erupted as a volcano.

Nothing was audible to me. I was angry and it was only shown in my reflex punch & raging eyes. Other than that, I was calm. Then all of a sudden, voices started getting audible and started getting louder with rising decibel. Some cries, some begging. All vague.

I looked around and saw my mother pulling my shirt and begging me to stop. I couldn’t make sense of it all. I was hypnotised by emotions.  Then the anger in my eyes descended and the anger in my father’s eyes too. He came to the realization that hitting his spouse do not make him any STRONGER and hence the reflex punch and that is how it feels to be beaten and that too by his own blood. I am sure he must have wished IF HIS SPERM DIDN’T FUSE MY MOM’S OVARY THAT NIGHT. But, the damage’s done & we all have to face the things we are entitled to. His time of realization had just started and he was within his boundaries since that fight.

Now, as a son, I don’t want this fight to be in my resume or to be proud of. But that’s life. We get what we are entitled to and not what we imagine.

P.S.: Today’s pick is Army of Ellie Goulding 🙂

Stalemate

Recently I shared some quotes of life based on the game of Chess.
So I think the title of this post is apt. But definitely you’re allowed to have a different perception.

I waited for her
To send me “HI”
She never wanted
Me to say goodbye
But things were stuck
Words were unspoken
Feelings drying up
Thoughts were shaken
She didn’t wanted to admit
That she did care
But I wanted her
To admit it all to me
And never she did
And never did I ask twice
And now it’s all
Like stalemate
No one’s taking risks
Waiting for the other
To take a wrong step
But we also know
That the other won’t
Take any step
So let’s shake hands
And let the stalemate
Be forgiven
And the pawns, queen
& king & knight
Return to the same box
Just like ego, hatred, love
& likeness return to as it was
And keep the fucking
Box  of pieces away
To fade away delusionally
With time

P.S. : Bad time of Grand Funk Railroad 😉 I love this song 😛 Where is weekend? 😀

Heavier than a mountain

Mock me

Pass comments to me

Laugh at me

Stare at me with fucking hatred in your eyes

Imagine stabbing me over and over again

Grind your teeth when you can’t digest

The simple fact

That we all are unique identities

And all your hatred and wrath

And anger and jealousy

Can’t change the way I am

All you can do the best is

Change who you are

It seems difficult but

Once you think of doing it

It becomes easy

It’s like fear

When you start running

Towards it

It runs away from you

Cowards choose death

As it is lighter than a feather

Be a hero

Choose Duty

It is heavier than 

A fucking mountain

But still you got it

In you to demolish it

With the strong infinite will power

You possess inside you

Do your duty

Move ahead

Rather, just move

And you’ll reach

Where you dreamed to reach

Someday 🙂

P.S.: Mondays 😦 Today’s pick is Why not me of Enrique Iglesias 😀

Ignition of Metamorphosis..

Don’t blame the whole group of things.

We do that. I do that. But, we should not.

One failed love and we blame the whole of opposite gender. We stereotype things. C’mon, this ain’t the way it should be.

We all are different individuals and needed to be treated differently and uniquely.

Forget what happened in the past with whomsoever. Forget the pain and hurt.

Dive into the present. Make the present and the related future worthwhile.

Live in happiness with others and not in darkness alone.

We are social beings(Facebook and the other social media donot fall under this, so please leave them be). We need to interact.

I haven’t seen much of life. But, from what I have seen, life ain’t easy. I have seen failures of love. I have seen failure of friendship. I have seen failure of expectations. I have seen people submitting their lives to frustration. I have seen violence. I have seen the hatred for me in the eyes of my family. I have seen the jealousy and the thought of killing me in the eyes of some. I have been there wherever you have been. I have seen what not.

But man, this ain’t all life. When I close my eyes and think about my past 23 years and I can remember only the beautiful things. The smile on her face. My mother and sisters. My cousins. Friends and their teases. Special people who have guided me to be what I am today. My teachers. There are many who have taught me or shown me the bad way of life, so I can learn how NOT to be that and avoid that path. Learning to be grateful for the things that gives us pleasure and happiness and also accept the failures and being happy that we tried and learn from it.

So, hibernation and being alone is good. Just as a caterpillar in a cocoon. But, you gotta come out. Be a butterfly. Go through Metamorphosis. Fly with wings. Make everyone gaze at you in AWE 🙂

Make new friends or stick to the old ones. Have to forget or accept the bad times and embrace the good times.

Being happy for self is good. Being happy for others and with others, is the best. Try to be the best.

Time is crucial and if someone gives you time and importance, then TRY to consider that importance and make sure that it for the good for the caterpillar and that person may be the one who ignites the process of Metamorphosis.

The New, better YOU

Crying is good for inner self!!

We have so many feelings buried deep within us. These feelings resurface and to name a few like love, hatred, anger, jealous, pain, sadness, kindness and lots..

We have ways of displaying these feelings like hugging, kissing, spreading smile, holding hands, throwing things, winking, crying..

We all are familiar with all these feelings and at some point or other in life we feel these feelings and act on these in our own unique ways..

Crying is the first feeling we feel when we are born. We cry even before realizing we’re crying and crying is always so very deeply entangled to our soul. One doesn’t cry just because he is sad and failed but also when he’s in fear.. when he’s happy.. when there is too much going on in his life and crying becomes just a passage to lighten his heart and sob for sometime to make the passage of time slow and make him realize that this dark time too shall pass, so taking extra tension won’t make him feel any better.

I hate to admit it but I seldom cry but when I do, I prefer having a good sleep after crying. I sob a lot with hiccups at the later stage of crying. Its a very soothing feeling for me because I rarely allow it to visit me and when it comes I embrace it with open arms and keep it near me for long. There have been many times when I wanted to cry and I know the situation also demanded me to shed a tear or two but there was no crying even though I felt the urge of crying but nothing.

Whenever I cry, I don’t like anyone watching me may be it makes me feel inferior or weak.. I know crying is not something to be ashamed of but it’s just that I don’t want people to see the lesser known side of me.. So whenever I feel like crying(which is very very less) I go to the washroom and calm myself down by crying. But then I accept the fact in front of my parents and siblings and friends that yes I cried and that too in a washroom 😀

So, even though crying is a very rare feeling for me but I feel connected to it and I know it makes me feel ‘UP’. At least, my eyes are cleaned naturally while crying.

I also believe in crying as much as I want but only once for any same reason. Never more than once. But I know it’s not within my control.

Cry for the sad, the dead, the helpless, the weak. But make sure you are back to yourself again after the moment and don’t let the same reason make you cry again.

Lighten your heart once in a while,
Darshith.